people in your life?

i don’t know if i can say if i have met anyone extraordinary. except for this girl i met when i was 11? i believe it was. i don’t know, she’s been my best friend for a while but then shit went down. she wasn’t a cause, just involved in it and it was just easier for me to separate myself from her, along with the problem completely. she didn’t deserve that. i know this. i’m not sure she cares either, mostly because nothing was her fault so she should.. right? if i’m the one being a jerk she shouldn’t feel bad. anyways i was on facebook and i saw a picture of her and her boyfriend, and it was adorable, i wanted to “like” it.  but i think that would require explanations and time and talking. none of which i feel like doing or have time for. anyways i was just thinking about shit at work today, thinking about that question “is the juice worth the squeeze?”. and i feel like i’ve been asking myself that a lot lately. are taking all of these classes worth it because i may not get a good grade in any of them? is the promotion at work worth losing time to study? are holding onto old friend with the mental strain of not being able to see them when i always want? i don’t know. i don’t know to any of it. and as for the friends question do they want me back in their life? did they care that i was gone? would they care? and the answers to those i’m not sure i want to know, they scare me too much. but i thought i was done letting people leave my life you know? i thought i had out grown the stage of me simply kicking people out of my life. it frustrates me that i can do it so easily, except for this one boy. i tried talking to him because he said he still wanted to, so why am i putting in all the effort. we haven’t talked in a week. that’s good though, he is a distraction. i’m more productive when i haven’t been talking to him. and then he texts and everything comes crashing down. why is that? i think it’s because i care or cared? weird how that shit fucks you over. i like you LOL JK imma date this other chick. so why keep me around? i want him though, i wanted to hang out with him. too bad so bad oh well. guess he had me fooled.

i’m not really sure what the point of this was but i didn’t feel like writing it down. this is why it’s being posted on my blog that no one knows about. oh i just remembered something…okay well dear person who is referred to in the first part who knows about this blog, yes that part was about you, i wish i could talk to you but i’m not sure if you want me to or if you care but i’m going to text you when i have time to care about our friendship..i kinda miss you. that is all i guess :/

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2 Responses to “people in your life?”

  1. Brandi Says:

    DUDE I’M SUCH A CREEP. i’ve gone back like a year in your blog [i stopped reading if something felt too personal] but i didn’t realize i was the only one who knew about this!!!! But in my defense, you have REALLY GOOD POSTS. I am so frickin touched and, i don’t know, sad because we’re so distant. god i really suck at the long distance friend thing. but putting that on the table does not excuse me. [that sounded nerdy, anywaysss….] but dude, i love you. You are so [i seriously have been sitting here deciding what to say: “unique!…no i bet she gets that a lot…then…peculiar…no. uhhh cool!…no that’s true but too detached…just go with the all-around winner, Brandi…] AWESOME! [i talk to myself] Also, you’re probably wayyy over this [i am too] but i’m touched all the same.

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